Lost & Empty | Ally

From the title, I'm sure you know this post is gonna be a little depressing. Also, just cause the title includes the word 'lost,' I'm not asking you to go get a navigation system neither am I talking about that tv show. Now on with the post..... 
 
If you're a teen, either a girl or a boy...I'm sure you've been through one of those days when you're just soooo tired of what's going on in your life, you just feel depressed? It may not necessarily mean depression but more of not feeling who you really are. You just wake up one day and you're just emotionless. Emotionless as in you're not sad but neither are you happy with what you're doing or going through in life. It may be caused from all the stress you've been going through or maybe...it JUST HAPPENS...? I would know because I woke up one day not feeling the way I usually am. (To be clear, I'm usually pretty quirky around people I know and can sometimes be really quiet) but on that one particular day, I woke up and felt empty. I couldn't tell if I was sad but I definitely wasn't my usual self.

Sadly, it was a school day, which meant I had to put aside the weird self I was that day and go to school. I thought...ok maybe I'll be fine in school because I have friends who are there to cheer me up. On the way to school, I did what I usually do on a daily basis that is put in some earphones and listened to music. It didn't really help but at least it gave me time to think why I felt that way. I can't describe exactly how I felt but my insides just felt empty and hollow. I went through with the day in school; I barely spoke to anyone including Beth or Sarah. I just felt like I should shut myself out from the world.

At that point, I realized I wasn't sad about my surrounding or the people around me but rather my main problem was...ME. It sounds weird but I guess I just woke up one day not liking myself. I'm sure not many people do that and it was the first time anything like that happened to me. Usually....I'm pretty content with how I am and accepted everything that came to me (not trying to be narcissistic) but on that day, I felt like everything I wanted to do just failed. Long story short... I was “lost.”

Till this day, I’m not exactly sure what happened but I made sure not to experience another day like that again. I was miserable the entire day and all my friends noticed how weird I was. (I’m weird by myself but when mixed with Beth, Sarah and my other friends = chaos) That day was just not my day. I came home from school, finished my homework (I do finish up all my homework on that day itself just cause I have super bad memory and I’ll never do it if not then) and took a long shower. I sat on my bed and stared at the ceiling for literally almost an hour wondering what’s wrong with me.

I started chatting to Beth (through the phone) because she asked what’s up with me and that everyone in school was wondering what’s wrong with Ally. Beth likes to call herself a ‘clownsultant.’ You can ask her about that if you want the full story. Basically, she was the person I would tell if I ever had any major problems. Truthfully speaking, I, myself didn’t know the main cause as well so I couldn’t really give her a definite answer. We continued chatting and she told me not to worry about it and told me to go listen to Got7 ‘Just Right.’ (At that time, I was really into the song because it was just released) She said that as kinda a joke but surprisingly, it helped! 

I went and listened to the song of her recommendation (Just to clear the air, Beth isn’t into Kpop like Sarah and I) Obviously, I can’t understand what they were saying but I read the subtitles at the bottom….*like any other Kpop fan not living in Korea* I don’t know why it helped but I guess the lyrics really connected to me and I felt like I could relate. Basically, the song is about the 7 members of the group (Hence, the name Got7) telling a little girl to not worry too much about how she looks because she’s perfect the way she is.

After that, I was back to my normal self. It was like a switch which turned back on and I felt…..okay again. I guess what I really needed was a little nudge to believe in myself again. I may not necessarily be perfect but then again, WHO IS?

I'm definitely not a psychiatrist but speaking from experience, here are some tips for you to overcome bad days:

1. Clear your mind

I'm not telling you to shut yourself out from the world but rather think of what is bothering you so badly. It may take a day or two for you to figure everything out. Trust me, it's easier to solve a problem when you know the source. Don't rush it.

2. ~ {Relax} ~

It may seem cliché but there's a reason why everyone tells you to take it easy and relax. When you're stressed and tensed up on something, it's unlikely for you to solve or finish whatever it is you were doing. Some people enjoy how stress can push you to strive but everyone needs a timeout to enjoy.

3. Talk to a friend/family member

This can be a little sensitive cause I'm sure not many people are open to their parents about their problems. But no worries, that's where your friends come along. You may not want to open up to just anybody but it lessens your burden when you do tell someone about your concerns. Maybe after you’ve expressed yourself, you’d realized that maybe all you needed was to believe that there is someone there for you.

4. Music

You know how everybody says music is his or her escape…? I totally think so too. It could be the beat or the melody or as for me, the lyrics that make me truly understand. I often listen to Kpop and I know not many people out there enjoy this particular style of music but I feel really connected to it even though I don’t speak a word of Korean. Sometimes, music knows no boundaries or language. 

I’m sorry if my little story bored you but I thought I should really share with you guys about bad days that everyone is bound to come across. Last but not least, this may or may not be a quote but more of a saying I constantly remind myself that is “Trust Yourself To Be Who You're Meant To Be.” I promise my next post isn’t going to be depressing. Although I may continue to write posts about daily things that one can/may face.

You know you can do it,

Ally